It kills me every time we get together.
We have these good friends (a couple) who are TTC. They have had a rough start, with a m/c earlier this year.
They are obsessed with being parents. Both of them.
And it kills me.
I want kids, I really do. I adore babies and toddlers and children and even teenagers! BUT... becoming a mom will not be to the exclusion of all other things I am. I am a friend, a sister, a scrapper, a loan officer, an almost wife *sigh*
I cannot ignore these parts of me just because I have a child.
These friends of mine are just biding their time, waiting for a BFP. In the meantime, they don't *do* anything. I feel like I don't have anything in common with a woman who has been a good friend for more than 10 years. If I don't want to talk about babies (meaning other people's) she isn't interested in having a conversation.
I hate that I'm losing a friend to a child that does not yet exist.
One cannot live their life just waiting for something that may or may not happen some time down the road.
And this comes from someone who spend almost 5 years in limbo.
Just because there were things I couldn't do until post-transplant, it didn't keep me from living some semblance of a life in the meantime. I cannot imagine how I would have survived if I had spent each day just thinking about my transplant and my life afterwards. Did I *ever* think about it? Of course! Every time something came up that I couldn't do... so I added it to my list and went on with my life.
I like to think it made me a more bearable person to be around.
I cannot spend time with these people I love; I don't feel like I know them any more.
And it kills me.
